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Chronic Illness, how do I deal…

Posted on 03.7.15 | Leave a Comment

Chronic IllnessChronic Illness Counseling O’Fallon MO

So your spouse is chronically ill and you’re having a tough time dealing with things.  This type of counseling can look pretty different based on all the circumstances.   There will be a need for counseling for the person with the illness as well as all those that will be caregivers.

The first step would be helping the client deal with accepting or understanding his or her illness.  There tends to be overwhelm from all the new and life changing information there is to take in.  There will also be some learning in how to compensate for this new illness.  One of the most important things to consider when dealing with chronic illness is the support system.  Is there a support system in place and is it as effective as it could/should be.

When a person a first diagnosed with a chronic illness, they experience grief.  There is a loss of the life they once had as well as their thoughts on how their future was going to play out.  The 5 stages of grief are: 1) Denial 2) Anger 3) Bargaining 4) Depression 5) Acceptance.  The most important thing to be aware of is getting stuck in any one area for too long.  This is a change of life that is, well, life changing.  Another thing that happens is the person can struggle with their purpose or value in life.  Maybe they were the “bread winner” of the family and now they are reduced to collecting a disability check.  They too struggle with finding meaning in their life outside of the demands of managing their pain or attending medical appointments.  Sometimes it’s hard separating their self-worth from their new disability or ability to earn.

Chronic Illness Counselor O’Fallon MO

Another problem faced with Chronic Illness is that feeling of needing to “prove” your disability to others because on the outside you look like you’ve got it all together, but the pain and illness is on the inside and it’s real.  Ultimately, you just want to be heard and you want people to understand that you really are ill and that doing daily activities is a struggle, even though you have a smile on your face.  Empathy for the person that is chronically ill is key.  They may not look like they’re struggling, but it takes every ounce of energy they have to just stand up straight and smile at times.

It’s also going to be important for the family members involved with a person who has a chronic illness to seek counseling.  They need to process what is going to change and how those changes are going to affect them.  How we respond in the face of adversity determines a lot about the level of “misery” coming over the next months, years, etc.  Acceptance of how things are now, the new normal is key to a life that will be fulfilling in the face of adversity.  Resistance to how things are causes nothing but more pain and anguish.

If you or someone you know is dealing with a Chronic Illness in O’fallon MO or if you are a caretaker of someone with Chronic Illness in O’Fallon MO, Jamie Morgan specialized in helping people cope with the adversity and new normal people are faced with when dealing with Chronic Illness.  You can call and set up an appointment at 636-400-3311 or email at myfamilycounselor@gmail.com

 

Marriage Counseling O’Fallon MO…What did you say?

Posted on 02.11.15 | Leave a Comment

Marriage Counseling O’Fallon MO

Have you ever been in a conversation with your spouse and they said something to you that made you believe there was more behind what they just said than the words that were used?  While doing marriage counseling at my office in O’Fallon MO, I had a couple recently that were discussing chores around the house.  They were trying to figure out how to create more balance in their lives and in their marriage.  Both of them work full time jobs and she felt like she was doing more of the work and wanted his help.  Here’s how it went:

Marriage Counseling O'Fallon MOHer: I’m going to need you to start helping more around the home

What he heard:

1)  I’m going to have to do more while you do nothing

2) I don’t do enough around the house

3) I’m lazy

4) I can’t win, this will just give her more to complain about

Marriage Counseling O’Fallon MO

What we hear is skewed or influenced by our past experiences as well as our expectations of the purpose of the conversation.  So, what I’m saying is we hear what we expect to hear, even if it isn’t exactly what said.  It’s been said the we should listen to “seek first to understand” rather than just making a negative assumption about what was said.  If you don’t know the meaning behind what is being said, just ask, don’t assume.

One way to ask meaning is to say “What I heard you say was…”, or “when you say…it makes me believe…is that what you meant?”  When we seek to understand rather than just assuming the worst case scenario, we can create an atmosphere of cooperation in our marriage and reduce a lot of stress.

If this sounds familiar, call the office and schedule an appointment to learn to communicate better with your spouse.

Recent Posts

  • Chronic Illness, how do I deal…
  • Marriage Counseling O’Fallon MO…What did you say?

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